Secangkir Selasih 1: The Girl By The Window

A girl sits by the window.
Seemingly unconcerned, she stares at the passersby. In actual fact, she is deep in thought.
She wonders about caring, and being cared for. Is it worth it? It seems that every time she starts to care, she gets hurt. She always believes all the promises, all the sweet nothings.

Why is it that in the beginning, they seemed so keen? All the attention lavished on her. They tell her they miss her, they make her feel special.

In the beginning, she would resist. She knows that if she starts to care, she would somehow get hurt. It happens everytime.

But she always believes the best in everyone. She is cautious, but when she decides to care, she gave it her all. Unfortunately she pays a high price in the end.
Whenever she falls, she would fall hard. She would try her best, gave it her all. But it has never turned out well in the end.
In the end, they leave.
In the end they cut her deep.
In the end, she was left bereft, with only the pain to keep her company.
She tries to stop the tears from falling.

Perhaps she is not ready for all this. The last breakup was still too raw, too painful. She still remembers, she still hurts. She still wonders what happened. But she is resigned to the fact that it is over.

Now there is another. She is unsure. Is it too soon to move on?
Perhaps, more importantly, will she be able to get over the hurt? Or is she just fooling herself? Would it be unfair to another? Would the other wait for her to heal? Why would she wait?

There are times she is too wrapped up in her misery to notice anything, or anyone. But she noticed the other moving away. She feels the loss. But another part of her tells her, 'Well. What else is new? This has happened again and again before, why should it not happen again, now?'. They always go away. Just when she wants to reach out, they move farther.

She finally looks away from the window. Nothing is resolved, and she doubts that any of it may ever come to a conclusion. But she will let it go for today. She is exhausted.
Perhaps tomorrow she would look out the window again and find solace.